Busy with inactivity

I've been busy.

Unbelievably so.

This past week, my hands have been kept full with inactivity. Wait a minute, inactivity? Keeping me busy? Yup. You know, activities are not the only things that can keep you busy. While activities can clog your brain with the thousands of things waiting to be done, inactivity floods your brain with the million things that can be done.

Here is a brief summary of what happened this week:
1) I was 'grounded' at home with the task of watching over the car-repairman who was fixing the truck a few days ago.
2) Due to the inclement weather, dad and I have been staying at home instead of sweating it out in the pool.
3) I ended up staying at home in the company of the guitar and the television.

Not so bad, but this reminds me that I am actually still bored. By what really? I have no idea myself because honestly, even if I was busy here in Jakarta I would still be bored. Am I looking for a change? You bet! What kind of change though? No idea. Then I asked myself, would I be bored if I were elsewhere? Like in Singapore? Unexpectedly, the voice within me replied in a wavering but resolute tone. The answer was fraught with uncertainty but there is no doubt that the answer is a 'yes'. 'Yes I am going to be bored even if I had tonnes of things to do, even if I was in Singapore.'

I find the response kind of queer. Strange in the sense that initially, I thought I would be better off somewehre, anywhere as long as it is not Indonesia. Then, I have to admit that I can't fool myself for long. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, I would still be bored. The only difference is just that I would be too busy to care about feeling bored if I have many things to do at hand.

What would dispel this boredom then?

Purpose.

Seven letters, a simple word, but complex and powerful.

Lets look back into my past, to learn something from old and forgotten stories.

When I first went to Singapore as an 8 year old twerp, I was thrilled, so thrilled in fact that I did not miss my parents, which is why I started crying only 1 year after, whenever the holidays came to an end and I had to return to Singapore. Back then it was my dream to study in Singapore in my brother's footsteps because to an 8 year old, studying abroad is cool, very.

Then, amid the thrill of being able to study in a foreign school as an Indonesian citizen, I learned of the 'messed-up-combination-of-letters-word' PSLE. That messed-up word gave me a goal - to study and pass the exam even if its just borderline results. It was the same for the next four years after I almost flunked PSLE, just that the nightmare is constructed with different letters. It was 'O-level'. Then, 2 years ago I learned of my next enemy - a twist to O that transforms it into an A.

To actually reflect on my past, I literally spent 10 years associating with education and am about to bind myself to another torturous contract for 4 years. All those time, the purpose had been education. After my defeating the latest enemy, I was suddenly left all alone without a purpose in life for almost three-quarters of a year. Devoid of a purpose, I start to feel bored.

Purposes keep you strong, but a lack of one thereof drains the life out of you.

Just to keep my impatience at bay for a little over a month now, I should set a purpose to drive and motivate my 'busy-with-inactivity' life. What is it? This one I have an answer to. My current purpose will be myself. Sounds strange? Or does it reek with the familiar sense of narcissism? =)